It is Finished

       I grew up in a Christian home.  My parents and extended family provided me with many opportunities to learn about the God of the Bible.  I am so grateful to have grown up in a country and family where I was free to learn about the Bible.  When I was eight I remember watching a tel-evangelist all by myself and realized that I was a sinner in need of a savior.  And so I “asked Jesus into my heart” (about 6 times because I wanted to be sure).  I wish I had understood that once I trusted in His work on my behalf, it was done; my eternal future was secure and unmovable because of what Jesus did. My salvation is not dependent on anything I do or don’t do; it is a free gift, given by God. He just asks that we trust Him. His last words on the cross were, "It is finished."

         I met my husband at a Calvary Chapel in Phoenix, Arizona.  I didn't know that I was marrying a man that would take me around the world (literally)!  I knew that he was a man of passion and He loved God and wanted to obey him.  We got married in November 1992...this month we will be celebrating 20 years of marriage!  It has been really hard sometimes in that God uses my husband in my life very often to get rid of my self-life.  It's humbling.  I remember one day I was so disappointed in myself because I had once again let him down and didn't really understand why because I was "trying so hard" to please him but felt I wasn't.  I apologized and cried and told him that I was really trying.  Then he said, "Stop trying, you can't do it".  *gasp*  SERIOUSLY! 

  

In ’96 my husband joined the army and we moved about 7 times in 7 years!  It was challenging, but I also loved it.  We weren’t involved in church during those years. I would seek out women’s Bible studies, but mostly I sought advice from Dr. Phil and Oprah.  Looking back I see how focused on self they are and I could never get it right.  I could never be the person I wanted to be.  I failed whenever I tried (in my own strength) to apply their methods of getting my marriage right or having higher self esteem so that I had confidence in myself.  The highest self-esteem we will ever know is that which comes from our Creator, knowing who we are because of what He already did.  I was at the end of my own self-assertion.  In our lives whenever God shows us how weak we are, it is a blessing in disguise.  When we feel our need of Him, it is just the place He wants us.  He is able to work amazing things through a life that is surrendered and relies on His source of strength.  

God is faithful and will show us where ‘self’ is hiding.  It does not feel good when He uses your husband to show you.  Ouch!  Embarrassing!  Self wants glory and wants to be ministered to; “You are such a good wife”, “I am so blessed to have you.” God purposefully brings experiences to us so that we will see traits that stink of self.  He is faithful to train and teach and when He does, thank Him.

2 Corinthians 12:9-12 “Each time He said, “My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.”  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 
 

Don’t let the enemy discourage you because of your weaknesses!  God uses our weaknesses for His good.   I was shown the stink of self through my husband.  I cannot love my husband in and of myself.  Only Christ in me enables me to love and respect him the way I should, the way he needs.    

In my thinking I thought since I have been doing my “best” to love my husband and it wasn’t working I just gave up, thought this isn’t worth it.  I was so proud.  I had thoughts like, “He is so lucky to have me.  I submit, I follow him where he goes.  I am his completer and he should be cherishing me and then it will be easier to love him”.  That reeks of self!!  My “in Adam” nature wanted to be in control and responsible for doing the loving (respecting).  It feels good to do a good job!  Stroke my ego, if you would.

During that time I read over and over again chapter 16 ‘Help’ in the book ‘The Complete Green Letters’.  I had to keep reading it because it was so true and I wanted to own it.  On page 66 Watchman Nee writes:

        “God’s way of deliverance is altogether different from man’s way.  Man’s way is to try to suppress sin by seeking to overcome it; God’s way is to remove the sinner.  Many Christians mourn over their weakness, thinking that if only they were stronger all would be well.  The idea that, because failure to lead a holy life is due to our impotence, something more is therefore demanded of us, leads naturally to this false conception of the way of deliverance.  If we are preoccupied with the power of sin and with our inability to meet it, then we naturally conclude that to gain the victory over sin we must have more power.

“‘If only I were stronger,’ we say, ‘I could overcome my violent outbursts of temper,’ and so we plead with the Lord to strengthen us that we may exercise more self-control.  But this is altogether wrong; this is not Christianity.  God’s means of delivering us from sin is not by making us stronger and stronger, but by making us weaker and weaker.  This is surely a peculiar way of victory, you say; but it is the divine way.  God sets us free from the dominion of sin, not by strengthening our old man but by crucifying him;  not by helping him to do anything but by removing him from the scene of action.”  God himself will perfect His work in us (Phil. 1:6).”