Get ME Outta the Way!

I started writing this in the spring of 2011.  I was in pursuit to put in to words what I was feeling and learning as I held on to the truth of God's word.  So often my feelings and attitudes do not line up with my actual beliefs.  My hope is that as I mature spiritually, they will line up.  It is painstaking to act in complete opposition of self.

Have you heard  the saying, "Die to Self"? Jesus says in Matthew 16: 24-25, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it."   He knows us so well and knows how hard it will be for us to turn from our selfish ways.  And so he tells us plainly and simply; 'turn from your selfish ways' and 'give up your life'.  This simply means to seek God first and obey and put yourself out there to love and care for others.

We live in a world where we are taught and encouraged to live for self and told that YOU are strong and YOU can do it!  God won't give YOU anything YOU can't handle (He gives me things I can't handle ALL the time).  It's no wonder so many of us feel like failures and have self-esteem issues.  We aren't capable of being "good" as society would have us believe we are.

 

I am slowly learning to understand what it means to "die to self".  I really do love myself.  I am self-righteous.  I wonder if for this very reason God commands us to go and make disciples of all nations and also to care for orphans and widows and to love the Lord our God with all of our hearts, souls, minds and strength and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. I believe commanding us to take the focus off of ourselves and put it on others, he's telling us this is how to "die to self".  The more self-less we are the less selfish we actually become.

The first time I ever REALLY felt like, "Oh wow, I really need to be selfless here!" was after my first son was born.  It was a rude awakening.  He rocked my world.  I couldn't just think about myself anymore.  I had to be aware of when he needed to be fed and changed.  He interrupted my sleep and then the next day I would be so tired and still had to be aware of his needs.  I desired to meet everyone of his needs and I had to make a conscience effort to do so.

Another way I am learning is in marriage.  How can I love a man who has made himself nothing in order to obey God?  I can't.  I am looking for him to fill my needs far more than I am looking to fulfill his.  He was previously a police officer and like he said, "It is easier to love a man in uniform".  It sounds so shallow, but painfully true.

Now that I have teenagers I have moments of saying, "I can't".  And I am sure they are saying, "How can I love and honor my parents when they are driving me crazy?"  They can't.

Every choice of obedience to God's word...I am willing and I choose but I can't actually do it.

My greatest HOPE is that GOD CAN and all this time He has been trying to get ME out of the way so that it is Him exactly living through me and loving those around me!

He knows that Me is entrenched in Me and He has brilliant ways of getting Me out of the way so that He can be up front.  He should always be in front of Me...Get me outta the way!

And so this is my journey...